Relationships

Lefford, what is the most important relationship that I should focus on right now? 

Funny enough I get that question a lot these days.  It is a surprising question to me now but 10 years ago, I struggled with that same question.  I was getting close to retiring from the Air Force, I was trying to decide what I was going to do when I grew up.  Should I retire before 30 years, go back to Florida and get a government job, take another assignment, stay at Shaw AFB, stay in South Carolina?  

With all of those choices came great opportunities as well as great risks.  I talk to friends, family, mentors, and the leaders around me and they all said something like this.  Lefford, you know a lot of people; the relationships you have should help you in finding a good job.  It was nice to hear and to be honest, I felt pretty good about what they were saying, it comforted me that I would be able to find employment.  I felt good about the friends I had and the relationships that I had nurtured. 

In 2012, I retired from Shaw and stayed in the local area.  Because I held close ties with the base I was often asked to come back and talk to people that were retiring or leaving the Air Force for other reasons.  I started to get the questions on how to be successful after leaving the military?  What organizations should I join?  Who should I get to know?

For several years, I gave all of the normal responses:  Rotary Club, Chamber of Commerce, BNI, Toastmasters, and the VFW.  All good choices but after meeting John Maxwell and becoming a part of his team I understood that my answers were incomplete.  Today my answer may surprise you.

Now, I tell everyone this simple truth.  The most important relationship that you need to build is with yourself.

What are my strengths, weaknesses, motivations, values and talents? Only by understanding and accepting yourself, can you then focus on building effective relationships with others?

This is something that we aren’t normally taught (at least I wasn’t).  I have learned that we can’t really give what we don’t have and if we don’t love, appreciate, and have a good relationship with ourselves we can’t possibly have a good relationship with others. 

So, my friends, whatever it takes I offer you this.  Learn how to love and appreciate yourself.  Learn to be a great friend to YOU.  With that mindset, you will have much more to offer the world and you will be able to be successful in any position you chose.