Relationships

Lefford, what is the most important relationship that I should focus on right now? 

Funny enough I get that question a lot these days.  It is a surprising question to me now but 10 years ago, I struggled with that same question.  I was getting close to retiring from the Air Force, I was trying to decide what I was going to do when I grew up.  Should I retire before 30 years, go back to Florida and get a government job, take another assignment, stay at Shaw AFB, stay in South Carolina?  

With all of those choices came great opportunities as well as great risks.  I talk to friends, family, mentors, and the leaders around me and they all said something like this.  Lefford, you know a lot of people; the relationships you have should help you in finding a good job.  It was nice to hear and to be honest, I felt pretty good about what they were saying, it comforted me that I would be able to find employment.  I felt good about the friends I had and the relationships that I had nurtured. 

In 2012, I retired from Shaw and stayed in the local area.  Because I held close ties with the base I was often asked to come back and talk to people that were retiring or leaving the Air Force for other reasons.  I started to get the questions on how to be successful after leaving the military?  What organizations should I join?  Who should I get to know?

For several years, I gave all of the normal responses:  Rotary Club, Chamber of Commerce, BNI, Toastmasters, and the VFW.  All good choices but after meeting John Maxwell and becoming a part of his team I understood that my answers were incomplete.  Today my answer may surprise you.

Now, I tell everyone this simple truth.  The most important relationship that you need to build is with yourself.

What are my strengths, weaknesses, motivations, values and talents? Only by understanding and accepting yourself, can you then focus on building effective relationships with others?

This is something that we aren’t normally taught (at least I wasn’t).  I have learned that we can’t really give what we don’t have and if we don’t love, appreciate, and have a good relationship with ourselves we can’t possibly have a good relationship with others. 

So, my friends, whatever it takes I offer you this.  Learn how to love and appreciate yourself.  Learn to be a great friend to YOU.  With that mindset, you will have much more to offer the world and you will be able to be successful in any position you chose.

RELATIONSHIPS:  Everybody wants to be somebody special, and everyone needs encouragement.  I remember when I first showed up to RAF Mildenhall in January 1988.

I was a young Staff Sergeant with a wife and young son and I had never been overseas.  I am from a small town in Georgia and didn't know a whole lot about the big wide world.  I was basically faking it with my wife and members of my family.  I tried to make them think I had this world travel thing and that I was cool, calm and collected.  The truth is I was a wreck.  I didn’t know what I was doing, I didn’t understand the currency, I didn’t understand the culture, and I really didn’t understand myself.  That is when I meet Sgt Frederick Thomas (aka Freeze).  Freeze was the kind of guy that when he walked into a room everyone gravitated toward him.  He had a ready smile, strong handshake and a hug for all the ladies (we will talk about that in a later post), he was an immediate friend.  He took me under his wing and made my transition to England a lot easier.  He was there to help me get a place to stay, a vehicle and connected me to the right people to make life in England good.

Freeze was a master in developing relationships.  You see he had a way of not only adding value to people but he showed you your own value no matter how deep it was hidden inside you.  I don’t know if he ever knew this but when you help one person, you’re impacting several others. What you give to one individual overflows into the lives of everyone they interact with as well.  Because of what he did for me I was always trying to pay it forward.  I wanted everyone that I met coming to England for the first time to get the reception that I received.  

Freeze had very strong people skills and because of that, he was super successful and a great influencer.  As my friend and mentor, John Maxwell says Leadership is influence nothing more and nothing less.  Until your people skills are strong, your influence will be weak. Only very tiny visions can be accomplished alone; to achieve anything worthwhile involves working with a team. To multiply our influence, we must learn to connect with others in mutually productive ways.  We must also care about the people we come in contact with, John Maxwell also famously put it “People don’t care how much you know unless they know how much you care”. 

Freeze taught me a lot about friendship and relationships.  He passed on about eight months ago, I miss him every day but he is always in my thoughts.  I will always keep this with me from him, that you can never be truly successful unless you develop good relationships. 

Frederick (Freeze) Thomas, I am missing you brother!

Success

Success is a process, it's a lifelong strategy of building on strengths and minimizing weaknesses. As I go about my life I hear a lot of people talking about trying to get success like it is a specific place or a specific time.  I don't think it works like that.  Success is a journey, not a destination.

I remember when I was growing up in Glennville, (A little town outside of Savannah Georgia) and my idea of success was having a little trailer on the end of town.  I wanted a hunter green Ford Pinto with a Stick in the floor, tinted windows, wire basket rims (with curb finders).  To make the package complete I want a Panasonic stereo with 6x9 Jensen mindblower speakers (oh yeah and the 40-watt power booster).  To me my friends, that, was success

Fast forward 30 years, would you call that success?  What would you say if you saw me riding down the streets of Sumter like that?  I will even throw in my "Magnificant Curl" and baggies to help you see the picture.  NO!  You probably wouldn't say I was very successful even though I would have achieved (at that time) my ultimate goal.

I think that if you base your success on getting to a destination that it will be limited.  When you get there you may be tempted to clock out and say I am done.  I believe that Success is when you start your journey towards growth and continue to get as good as you can. Every time you get good, you seek to get better.  Some may call this silly, or say I am never satisfied but I believe that as long as we are here we should be striving and that striving makes us successful.

What does Success Look like for you?